Halfway Valentine | Chapter XIX: Pink Elephants and Pink Post-its PART 2

It was past midnight and I still couldn’t sleep. I kept staring at the flitting shadows on the ceiling, wishing they could spell out whatever was happening to me and my girlfriend. I hated to admit it but we seem to be falling apart. Her walls were up again and it was like she was pushing me away. Maybe I was being punished by the gods. Zoe was right: Karma's a bitch. After a fair amount of thinking unhappy thoughts, I turned on my side to face the blonde and found her still wide awake.

I stared at her through the darkness. “Are you really gonna wait for me to ask?” I spoke after a studied moment.

“Ask about what?”

“Why Evan ‘borrowed’ you.” My tone was curt.

“He asked me to introduce him to the manager of Keith’s Pub,” she said. “He wanted to do some part-time gigs there.”

I stared at her hard. “Why didn’t he ask for Freddie’s help?” I said. “Freds is closer to the boss.”

“Freddie was unavailable at that time.”

“Right.”

Naomi drew back. “Jesus, Emily. What’s the big issue?” she said. “It’s not like I’m riding bikes and regularly going out for a jog with him.”

“Oh, so now it’s back to the Zoe issue?” I raised my brows.

Naomi was silent for a moment before she spoke.

“Didn’t you hear what she said to me five days ago?” Naomi’s eyes were radiating hurt. “She threatened me, Emily.”

I didn’t know what to say so I just stayed hushed, staring into her pained eyes.

She rolled on her back to face the ceiling. “Why, did you tell her I’m a shitty girlfriend?”

“I never said that,” I answered quickly.

“Why would she say things like that, Em?”

“I don’t know,” I said. I really don’t.

“You don’t know?” She drew a breath and exhaled slowly. “I don’t know, too, Emily. I don’t want to feel like I have to compete again. I’m over that.”

“Babe . . .” I reached out to cup the side of her face and made her look at me. “There is no competition, okay?” I said, tracing a finger down the curve of her cheekbone and dropping a soft kiss on her lips. Her eyes fluttered closed.

“Okay?” I stroked her face gently, lovingly. She opened her eyes and looked at me.

My gaze held hers. “Okay?” I repeated for the third time.

Naomi then smiled and nodded her head. Gingerly, I levered myself on top of her. “There’s been no one but you, okay?” I said to her so softly, moving my free hand down her back, slowly, caressingly, to her hips.

Naomi nodded. “Okay.” Then her hands slipped upward into my hair, then curved on my neck. She lifted her head and kissed me thoroughly. It robbed me out of breath. And when she let her head fall back to the pillow, I couldn’t help but drown in her blue pools again.

“Are you going to ravage me,” she asked, “or just stare at me?”

I let out a chuckle. “Actually I was waiting for you to say something,” I said, and made a wry face at her. “I mean, if you want for us to argue some more.”

“You really want to argue some more?”

“You’re sexier when you’re provoked.”

“No, I’ve had enough of talking,” she said, with genuine suffering. “Fucking kiss me already.”

With a sound that was half groan, half chuckle, I lowered myself to her and sampled the smooth skin of her neck, chest, alternately nibbling with my teeth and stroking with my tongue. Naomi welcomed me eagerly, lolling her head back to give me more access. She dug her fingers into my neck, my back. I moved back to her mouth and invaded her lips, my tongue delving deep inside. Naomi answered with quickened touches that added waves and waves of desire running through me.

Suddenly I pulled back. Naomi’s breath caught. I looked behind me, and sniffed around.

“Ems?” Naomi’s tone was alarmed, her breathing hot and fast.

I turned to face the blonde again, scowling. “Ugh. This comforter smells horrible.”

Naomi drew me down to her and chuckled her way into the kiss. “Emily, you’re killing me!”

The final bell of the period rang.

I rose from my desk very slowly as I watched Zoe hurry out of the room. As far as I was concerned, she couldn’t get away fast enough. Maybe now I could regain control over my thought process.

Looking down at my blank seatwork sheet, I realised I had spent an hour and a half thinking about why Zoe was trying too hard to get my attention and why was she trying to get on Naomi’s nerves. Perhaps the Great Miss Stonem was right yet again: Zoe is bad news.

The idea that she might be interested in me crossed my mind for a second but I instantly shook the thought away. Maybe Zoe was just naturally like that. She just loves competing. Hopefully, it’s just that.

I shuffled slowly toward the door so it wouldn’t look like I was trying to catch up with her.

Making a point of not following her out is just as bad as following her out, a nagging little voice taunted me. Either way, you’re spending way too much mental energy on this girl.

I still couldn’t believe the irony of the situation. Just when I had realised I had an unnatural, unhealthy curiosity about a girl who was giving me headaches and just when I had decided to avoid her at all costs and the possible drama in the future she could cause, she ended up being my classmate. And just when I thought I had escaped from the semester-long torture under Sugiyama Sensei, he ended up being my Grammar professor again. Fate had a sick sense of humour. 

“Emilio,” Cook called as he got up from his chair near the door. “I gotta cancel on our rooftop boozy tonight. Freddie an’ I are gonna meet Aki for new ideas for the Los Ma orientation.”

“Okay,” I said. I had no recollection of making booze party plans with Cook. It seemed my brain malfunctions were increasing.

He slung his backpack over one shoulder. “Where’s Blondie, by the way?”

“She forgot to do the Grammar homework so she chose to skip class.”

Cook snorted in laughter. “On de ball. Clever girl, that Naomi. Staying away from a fuming moustached fuckstick is better than any-focking-thing.” He ruffled my hair. “Awrite, Emily babes. See ye ’round!” he said before wriggling his way into the crowded hallway.

I didn’t bother to answer, but instead just started my way one small step by one small step. Then I saw a pink Post-it that fell from Cook’s notebook. I didn’t bother on chasing him, but just crouched down and picked it up from the floor. There was something written on it.

I smiled at the note. Cook. In love. With my twin. Wow. Yea, wow.

“Em! Over here!”

I turned and saw Naomi waiting near the wall. She looked nonchalantly gorgeous as usual, in a navy blue romper and a pair of grey leather boots I had never seen before.

“Christ, are you on another planet today, Emily?” Naomi grinned as she fell into step beside me. “Didn’t you hear me? I felt like an idiot standing there calling you.”

“Sorry,” I said, a little hoarsely. “I guess I’m just out of it. Didn’t sleep too well last night. You know, strange-smelling comforter and all that.” Not to mention a certain blonde beautifully naked in my arms.

“Sorry, I insisted to use the Snoopy comforter. Thought it was, well, comfy,” Naomi said with a sheepish grin.

“Comfy, yes. But I think you mixed it with Cook’s socks in the dryer.”

Naomi laughed. “I’m really sorry, babe. I’ll make it up to you tonight.” She hooked her arm around mine.

I smiled. “Yea, I’d like that.” We made our way down the stairs.

“Anyway, what’s the homework?” Naomi asked.

“Oh, that,” I said, closing my eyes. “Erm – I think we have to ask Effy about that. Wasn’t able to take notes.”

“God, Ems. You couldn’t function an hour and a half without me?”

“Hey, Emily Fitch!” a girl’s voice called.

I stopped on my tracks and pivoted to find Zoe walking toward us.

Naomi’s face fell, and the grin fell with it. “Oh, Jesus Christ. You’ve got to be joking,” she muttered under her breath, rolling her eyes.

As Zoe approached, she flicked her eyes from me to Naomi and back again. “Hi!” She flashed us her brilliant, dimpled smile.

“Hey,” I greeted back, smiling nervously. Naomi just raised her eyebrows, obviously annoyed.

Zoe regarded the blonde. “Naomi, you weren’t in class earlier.”

“Yeah. Obviously,” Naomi scoffed.

Zoe ignored Naomi’s unpleasant response, but instead turned to me. “Anyway, are you free tonight, Emily? I was hoping you could come with me to Duke’s Diner. I haven’t been there yet. I heard their burgers are heavenly.”

I shifted my weight uncomfortably. “I’d really love to, Zo, but I can’t tonight. Do get the curry-flavoured Croquette burger, though.”

There was a tinge of disappointment on Zoe’s face but she smiled nonetheless. “Okay, I’ll keep that in mind. See you.” She turned and pushed through the door out of the building.

I turned to Naomi.

Her brows were up. “I’d really love to, huh?”

“I was just trying to be nice,” I argued.

“Zo?” she mocked.

“Oh, give me a break, Naomi.” We walked out of the building.

“Hey, girls,” JJ sang out, throwing one arm around my shoulders and the other around Naomi’s. “Have you heard that Flaviana and Stefan broke up?” he asked. “Stefan apparently was caught cheating with Natalia.”

I frowned. “I think I saw them together at the club two weeks ago.”

JJ sighed. “And I heard our Japanese buddy, Tsuyoshi, was dumped by Sofia for this new guy Trent.” He shook his head mournfully. “The new kids are really causing a massive muddle, aren’t they?”

“Amen,” I heard Naomi mutter. We continued walking, heading for the benches.

“May must be the month of heartbreak,” JJ mused. “I wonder who’s next . . .” He pressed his lips together wistfully.

Naomi and I gave him an arch look, but the Aussie lad seemed oblivious.

“But look out for that Zoe girl,” JJ went on. “I think she has a thing for Emily here.”

My eyes slid over to JJ. I thought Naomi stiffened a bit.

“I mean, she’s a spunk,” he said. “And she got a really high score in our—”

I arched a brow at JJ, casting him a threatening look.

“Not that I’m saying that Emily would really—,” he gulped, “erm – she’s got nothing on you, Naomi. Clearly, you’re waaay awesomer and—”

Naomi stopped short, then she removed JJ’s arm and dropped it like a dead carp.

“W-w-wait. I mean – ignore me—” JJ went on, as Naomi took off. “Bugger! Shitification—!”

“JJ—” I stepped in front of him and looked at him sharply.

“Okay. I’m stopping,” he said shakily. “I’m stopping now.” He gulped.

“Naomi—” I called after her, but the blonde only quickened her pace. Fuck’s sakes.

Watching Naomi’s retreating figure, I tugged on JJ’s wrist. “C’mon, Jay. Let’s get you some fucking mango juice.”

I heard the school bell ring again. My back hurt from spending the last forty minutes curled against the bathroom window, crying, and I was pretty sure I had permanent lines indented in my thighs from the edge of the windowsill.

This week had been such a whirlwind of energy-draining events: from the couples breaking up to Zoe rubbing Naomi the wrong way to Naomi becoming distant for God-knows-what reason to the added third wheel, Evan. And today it was all just too much. Naomi didn’t come to school and she won’t answer my calls nor reply to my messages. I have no fucking idea why she suddenly turned cold on me. I just hope it’s not because of someone else.

“Hey.” Effy crossed the bathroom and stood next to me. “You look like shit.”

“Well, that makes sense because I feel like shit.”

Effy pulled a paper towel from the metal dispenser on the wall and handed it to me. I took it from her and pressed the coarse paper against my face.

She studied me for a moment. “Miss Peroxide?”

“She’s been acting weird lately,” I said. “I feel like she’s avoiding me. And I can feel her pulling away, you know. She didn’t make me pancakes this morning. Didn’t even come to school today.”

“Uh-huh.” Effy leant against the sink, folded her arms and only looked at me.

“I don’t know, Ef. I don’t know what to do with her sometimes,” I went on, with real exasperation. “I mean, I try to understand her – where she’s coming from, what she’d been through. But sometimes I just can’t anymore.”

Effy hoisted herself up onto the low windowsill and sat next to me. “Give her time, Emily,” she said. “Maybe she’s just dealing with some things even worse than you are.”

I took a deep breath as my tears slowed. “Can things be more complicated?”

“You’re in a relationship with Naomi Campbell,” she said simply. “Everything’s complicated.”

My eyes filled with hot tears once again. “Sometimes I just don’t know how the chugs in her brain work,” I said, staring at the blotched paper towel in my hand. “It’s like she has that fucking shell on again. And she won’t let me in. Why won’t she fucking let me in?”

For a moment Effy just stared at the opaque window before she spoke. “What you see her doing now is her usual self-preservation instinct,” she said, now looking at me. “She’s threatened, Emily. She’s scared because there’s a certain Zoe who could take you away from her at any moment and she doesn’t want to feel abandoned nor betrayed again. She’s scared because everyone’s breaking up. And now she’s feeling the pressure, too.”

“I’m not.”

“But she’s Naomi,” said Effy. “Naomi is different.”

My eyes swung back to hers. “Like you?”

“Like me,” Effy went on. “See, Emily, sometimes a cigarette is just a fucking cigarette. And sometimes an emotional cripple is just an emotional cripple.”

She looked me dead in the eye. “And sometimes, even when people are sensitive and vulnerable and madly in love underneath their well-constructed façade, they need that façade, Emily. So that they don’t shatter into a million, tiny, little pieces. And then blow away.”

My eyes held hers. “For how long?”

“As long as it takes,” she replied. Then she stood up and tugged on my wrist. “Now, c’mon. Let’s fix your face and go back to class.”

I took a deep breath and ran through one final mental rehearsal.

Listen, Naomi, I know you’re scared with everything that’s been happening around us. But I just want to let you know that just because everyone else is breaking up, doesn’t mean we have to, right? Can’t we just put all this behind us and start all over again?

I held on the doorknob and opened the door to my room.

“Naomi—” The name stuck in my throat as I saw Naomi with Evan alone in the room. They were laughing together at some pictures from Naomi’s laptop.

Naomi looked up. “Hey,” she said, swiveling on the chair. “Evan was just leaving.”

“Thanks, Naomi,” Evan said, straightening up. “I’ll consider this a lifetime of indebtedness.”

Naomi let out a chuckle. “Shut up and just leave, Boyle.”

“See you around, Emily,” Evan said as he passed by me in the doorway.

I closed the door behind me, turned to Naomi and fixed her a look. It was very upsetting and frustrating to know that I had been trying to take a step forward but every time I try to meet her, she gives me a reason to pull back. Even farther away than before.

“Why weren’t you in class today? Are you sick?” I asked, stepping further into the room.

“No. I’m not sick.” She spun on the chair again to face the desk and shut her laptop closed.

“Why didn’t you go to school?”

“I got held up. It would be useless to come to class an hour late, yea?”

“Try again.”

Silence hung thick in the air.

I crossed the room and sat on the edge of my bed, thoroughly annoyed. I took a long, slow, scornful survey of her. “You’re a coward.”

“I think we’ve already established that.”

Her quick agreement surprised me. I had expected an angry outburst of denial. My exasperation manifested itself in a long sigh. “Why was Evan here?” I asked, trying to remain calm. “That was our rule number one, Naomi. Number one,” I stressed. “No other human being, male or female, shall be allowed in our room.”

“Evan was only asking about the Class 2 lessons,” Naomi said, pushing her hair off her face. “He wanted a heads-up.”

“Okay. But couldn’t you do it downstairs in the lounge or in the kitchen?”

“Why are you so worried?” Naomi said, pushing herself up off the chair. “I’m not the one who has a history of multi-tasking girls.”

I felt my hands start to shake. This was so unfair. I was trying to take the high road, trying to be mature. But it didn’t matter. Nothing I did would ever make a difference.

“You really know how to push the wrong buttons, don’t you Naomi?”

Silence.

Naomi turned her back to go stand next to the door. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to stay in one room anymore,” she said quietly.

My lips started to quiver but I fought hard to keep my face blank. I nodded. “Yea, we need to figure this shit out first.”

There was a knock on the door. Naomi opened it.

It was Zoe, who had that infectious grin on her face. “Hey, Naomi, can Emily come out and play?”

Holding open the door, Naomi shrugged and let her hand slap against her side. “She’s all yours.” Then she stepped outside of the room and walked away.

I watched as Naomi drag her belongings out of my room and pile them up in the hallway. “So you’re still determined to move back into your room.”

“Yep.”

“Can we talk about this first? If this is about Zoe—”

“This has nothing to do with Zoe,” Naomi said. “Okay. Maybe a li’l bit. But mainly this has to do with breathing space, making intelligent decisions, figuring this shit out. You said so yourself.”

“How about breakfast?” I asked. “Will you be in the kitchen for breakfast? I can whip you some Fitch Salad.”

JJ, who was walking by, had that bright grin. “Yea, we will be in here for your Fitch Salad, Emily.” He gestured at the kitchen in front of my room.

“Fitch Salad sounds delightful,” Sarah, who was with him, added. “We wouldn’t mind stopping in for breakfast, would we Naomi?”

Naomi narrowed her eyes at me. “You’re being sneaky again.”

I smirked. “You ain’t seen nothin’ yet,” I said, grabbing her hand and tugging her into the kitchen. “Now, c’mon, let’s make you that salad.”

Sarah rolled her eyes and let out a giggle. “Oh, here we go with the joined-at-the-hip lovers again.”

“Love, love, love,” JJ said, putting his hand dramatically over his heart. “Isn’t it awesome? You just walk out the door then walk right back in and—presto—you’re all cuddly again.”

“I think it’s awesome,” I repeated.

“And fucking stressful,” Naomi added as Sarah laughed.

“Don’t you wanna argue some more, babe?” I asked Naomi teasingly, as I opened the fridge and grabbed an avocado.

Naomi took a seat and drummed her fingertips on the table. “Hm.” She pursed her lips. “Let’s talk after that Fitch Salad.”

“Really, Zoe. You came knocking on my door to ask me which type of swimsuit will suit you better?”

Zoe spun around in my swivel chair. “Yep,” she said. “So what do you think?”

“Zo, I’m not really expert on fashion,” I said, flicking through the pages of the Speedo Catalogue magazine she handed me.

Zoe snuck an M&M into her mouth, and sat beside me on the floor. “We’re dealing with either people would want to see me wearing a yellow polka dot bikini or a really fierce swimsuit. It’s just that.”

“That’s my point. It’s just that,” I said, rubbing my forehead. “You can decide on your own.”

“But I want to hear thoughts from a 2^nd person point of view.”

My eyes slid over to her. “What’s the deal with you, Zoe?” I said, narrowing my eyes at her. “I am tempted to think you are obsessed with me.”

She laughed. “Can’t a new girl make new friends?”

“Oh, we’re friends,” I said. “But you’re fully aware that I have a girlfriend, right?”

“Naomi Campbell,” she said, offering me some M&Ms. “Yea, I like her.”

“Me, too,” I agreed. “More than.”

Zoe let out a chuckle then she bit her lip. “But I think she hates me.”

“That’s not true,” I lied. “But she will really hate you once she sees you here in my room.”

She looked taken aback. “Why? It’s your room.”

“Just trust me.” I popped an M&M into my mouth. “So let’s make this quick.” I studied the images in the magazine lying on my lap. “Hmm . . . This one should look good on you.” I was pointing down at a blue racer back with red solar flare designs.

Zoe smiled in agreement. “I was just thinking the same thing. Fierce.”

I flicked through the pages, and felt Zoe’s eyes watching me. But I feigned absorption in the magazine and ignored the colour mounting in my cheeks.

“How many pounds are you, Fitch?” she asked out of the blue.

I drew back, giving her an arch look. “I don’t know. Why the odd question?”

“You look so skinny. You need to eat more.”

“Hey, Spandex, you’re not here to give me your opinion,” I said, raising a brow. “You’re here for my opinion, yea?”

“How much do you weigh?” she prodded. “You must be underweight or, judging from your addiction to sweets, undernourished.” A teasing smile crept across her attractive features.

“How dare you—Agh!” I squealed, giggling. “What the fuck, Zoe?”

Zoe clinched me and tried to carry me in her arms but I curled down on the floor, shoving her hands away.

“I will be able to tell . . . if I can carry you with no sweat.” She got to her feet, lifted her arms and flexed her muscles.

“No—!” I cried, but Zoe reached down for me and struggled to lift me up.

But I was resistant. Both of us were laughing hysterically as we tumbled on the carpet.

I tried bucking her off. “Get off me—!”

The door swung open suddenly.

“I better go.” Swiftly, Zoe scrambled to her feet, picked up her magazine from the floor and left the room, leaving me alone to face a very unimpressed Naomi.

Naomi closed the door then faced me again. Her eyes were as hard as marbles.

After fifteen tense seconds, she stepped forward. “Really, Emily. Really?” she said pointedly. “I just moved out this morning and you’re here snuggling next to another girl already.”

“We’re not snuggling.”

“Right.” Naomi’s tone was scornful. “So what was that I just saw? The two of you playing Invisible Twister together? Practising swimming strokes together?”

“We were just . . .” I trailed off because ‘fooling around’ sounded more risky. “We’re doing nothing wrong.”

“Right. Nothing wrong.” Naomi chuckled bitterly. “Months ago I caught you in the same fucking position with Misaki and where did that lead, Emily?”

I sprang to my feet. “We weren’t doing anything wrong, Naomi.” My cheeks were flaming.

“You said no one’s allowed—”

“You broke the rule first,” I cut her off with a resentful tone. “And last time I checked, you moved out. Our rules don’t apply anymore.”

Naomi’s shoulders tightened. “You’re giving me reasons not to trust you.”

A muscle in my jaw began to twitch. “Well, that’s your problem. I’m not doing anything wrong.”

We both stood rooted to the spot, like a couple of posts.

It was the blonde who shattered the tension-laden moment.

“I don’t want any more of these—”

“Dumb conversations, yes,” I finished her sentence. Swiftly I moved toward the door, stepped outside, and slammed it shut, a little harder than was necessary.

“I’m guessing Naomi hates me now,” Zoe said as we walked toward the cafeteria doors on Tuesday afternoon.

“Yes, she does,” I replied bluntly. It couldn’t be hidden anymore.

She gave an apologetic, sad smile. “I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m sorry you got tangled in this drama. It was her who overreacted. We weren’t doing anything wrong, yea?”

“You’re right.” Zoe sighed. “Anyway, I just joined this school magazine as the sports writer and there’s an available position for book reviewer and since you love reading books, I thought you might like to take it.”

I hugged my notebook to my chest. “I don’t know, Zoe . . .”

“It will be fun, Emily,” Zoe urged. “I know you can do this and I know you want to do this.”

“I don’t know, really . . .”

“C’mon, just think about it.”

I opened my mouth, ready to respond. Then I saw her. Naomi was leaning against the counter over at the tea corner, looking sideways at us, biting her fingernail. Her blue-eyed gaze was pained—resentful or remorseful—I couldn’t tell. Our eyes met for a second until awkwardly and abruptly Naomi turned her back on me to go get her cup refilled.

I smiled up at Zoe. “Okay, I will . . . think about it,” I said. “Thanks, Zo.”

“Always.” She winked at me before heading off.

I paced toward Naomi’s direction and stood behind her. When she looked up and saw me, she straightened up and stared back at me as if at attention.

For a moment I tried to look for words, but couldn’t. My gaze slid down to her wrist. “You’re not wearing the bracelet,” I said, as an icy sensation crept over me.

“I must’ve forgotten,” she stated flatly, shifting her weight to her other leg. She lowered her eyes, biting her upper lip.

I stood frozen, staring pointedly at her. “You never forget.”

Naomi shrugged, her blue eyes trained on the ground. My eyes traveled down to the base of her throat and found it bare as well. A jolt ran through me from head to toe, almost destabilising my knees. Miraculously I managed to remain upright.

“You’re not wearing our necklace either.”

She briefly met my eyes and then glanced away.

I tried again, more sternly, “Naomi, please explain why you’re not—”

She cut me off with a sharp, irritated exhalation. “I forgot, okay? Jesus, why are you acting like it’s a fucking big issue?”

My chin rose a notch and I hardened my gaze as best as I could. “Fine,” I replied curtly. “I’m taking off mine.”

Naomi looked at me then. “Fine,” she said tonelessly.

I opened my mouth for a retort, but the words died. The blonde’s ice blue eyes were narrowed and unchanging. I couldn’t breathe. A tight pain spread across my chest. How could this be happening to us? Why was this happening to us?

Naomi suddenly breezed past me. I realised a second too late that I had let my pride get in the way again. Unshed tears stung my eyes. I stared down at the floor, trying hard to blot out the memory of how we used to be. We just keep playing games, don’t we? I reminded myself bitterly.

I blinked a few times and glanced down at the necklace on my palm. I thought we knew better that this . . .

I lifted my chin and started weaving through the cafeteria toward the gang’s table. If Naomi wanted some space, that was fine. I was ready for anything Naomi was going to bring my way. I could hold my own.

Hopefully. Maybe.

“Let’s get monumentally fucked tonight!” JJ was standing on top of a table at the benches, acting all weird and shouting at the top of his lungs. “What say you, Ladies and Gentlemen? C’mon!” he yelled, cupping his hands around his mouth for volume. “Who’s with me?”

Glancing around furtively at the bewildered students around us, I stepped up my pace and noticed Naomi also heading the same way. For a second we awkwardly looked at each other. I hugged my books to my chest tighter and tried to go on unflinchingly.

“JJ, what the fuck are you playing at?” Naomi asked, greatly alarmed. We approached the benches, keeping a respectable distance from each other.

JJ jumped down from the table and sat on a bench, chuckling bitterly. Naomi and I quickly parked ourselves beside him—with me, occupying the space to his right, and Naomi to his left. He took out a pen and a Post-it.

“Love?” JJ began, gritting his teeth. “Love stinks,” he spat, as he scrawled down heatedly on the paper. “It fucking stinks! Love fucking stinks like this fucking ink.” He wrote the words again with more force.

Despite the tension, Naomi and I exchanged a worried look.

“JJ,” I said, casting him a concerned look. “What happened?”

“Lara’s a twat! Lara’s a fucking twat!” JJ sputtered. His voice shook with hurt and anger. “I’m such a retard for falling in love with her. Retard! I’m a retard. Nut job! Bat case! Spaso! Mong! Autistic fucking fruitcake mental basket! Shitty Looney Toon! One flew—Ow!”

Naomi smacked JJ’s head from behind. “JJ!” she exclaimed. “What’s the meaning of this?”

“JJ, what happened?” I asked again, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Lara broke off our engagement,” he said finally. “It’s lovely, isn’t it? After two long years, that flaming b—b-b had the nerve to—”

“No,” I cut him off, shaking my head slowly in disbelief.

JJ nodded. “Yes.”

“No,” I said again, the shock still overwhelming.

“Yes,” JJ said. “And it’s all apples, you guys. Should’ve known a long distance relationship is a flaming joke.”

I could only regard him with sympathy. “Maybe . . . you could try to work it out? Try talking about it?”

“No,” JJ said with finality. “I mean, I don’t know. It just hurts you know.” Then taking a deep breath, he spoke again, “Love stinks. It’s just a fucking joke.” He violently crumpled the Post-it in his hand into a tight ball and hurled it far away. Then he rested his elbows on the table and buried his face in his hands.

“Tell me about it,” I heard Naomi say under her breath. My head snapped to her immediately, giving her a questioning look. She just looked away and kept an emotionless face.

“I can always find someone else, right?” JJ mumbled miserably. “There’s got to be someone else.” He lifted  his head up and flicked his eyes to me and Naomi. “Right?”

I looked at Naomi again. Our eyes met. She looked away.

I felt someone's hand on my shoulder. “Everyone can find someone else, JJ,” Zoe cut in. “There’s always someone else.” She smiled down at JJ and ruffled his hair. JJ’s face instantly lit up.

When Naomi gave Zoe a look. Zoe smirked and added, "I’m just sayin’."

I dropped my gaze down to the tabletop and spoke so quietly. “I don’t have someone else.” I turned my gaze to Naomi again but she was only busy texting on her phone.

“Don’t be silly, Emily,” Naomi said coolly, not even glancing in my direction. “We all have someone else.”

I stared hard at her, my jaw tightening as my blood boiled. But the blonde remained impassive.

“On second thought,” I said, swallowing my hurt and forcing a sweet smile at Zoe, “maybe I do.” I jumped up, grabbed my books from the table and called briskly, “C’mon, Zo. Where’s that ice cream shop you were talking about?”

I sneaked a look over my shoulder and saw Naomi watching us, looking as if someone had dropped a ton of bricks on her. Forcing another smile, I turned to Zoe again and feigned interest to what she was babbling about. 

Fuck’s sake. Really, though, what was happening to us?

I looped some hair behind my ear. “So, did Naomi talk about me today?” I tried to sound casual.

Sliding down her bed, Panda sat cross-legged next to me on the carpet. “Nope. Why?”

“Just curious.” We were halfway through an episode of Glee. The episode was the one starring Idina Menzel as Shelby and it was such a nice episode, but my mind was just floating somewhere else.

Panda looked at me for a long time before she finally spoke softly.

“How long are you going to avoid each other, Emsy?”

I leant back against the bed. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Halo said she will start a hunger strike in Vancouver if you and Naomi break up.”

“It’s too . . . I can’t . . .” I turned my head away. “Just drop it, please.”

“Okay.”

I pulled my knees up to my chest and circled my arms around them. I tried to focus on what we were watching—and damn, this Idina Menzel has an abnormally huge mouth but really spectacular voice. Peripherally I saw Panda reach for something underneath her bed. It was a big box with pink heart and banana stickers all over it.

Gleefully, Panda opened the box and took out a couple of what seemed like pink Post-its pasted together.

“Look, Emsy. This is mine and Thommo’s Valentine’s Post-its for each other.” She giggled. “Isn’t it wonderful?” Beaming again, she offered the notes to me.

“It is, Panda. It is,” was all I could say.

Panda had that wistful smile. “Thommo remembered Salami,” she said. “Salami passed away nine days after I left for Japan. And Thommo had been my constant source of strength since then.”

“Sorry to hear about Salami,” I sympathised.

“We had an unspoken rule of not speaking about Salami,” Panda said. “But it’s okay now. I’m over it. I’m sure Salami’s up in heaven with his little polka dot wings.”

I smirked when a memory popped in my mind. “Oh, that explains that one time when we were in the 2^nd floor kitchen and Freddie asked us if we’ve seen his salami in the fridge, then you just burst into tears all of a sudden. We thought you’ve gone mental. Now it all makes sense . . .”

Giggling, Panda smiled brightly. “Yep.”

“And they fit,” I said, still gazing down at the Post-its admiringly. Until now, Panda and Thomas’ bizarre yet immensely sturdy relationship never fails to awe me.

“Yes, they just fit,” Panda said with a content smile. “I was surprised myself. Thommo and I decided to write something about that day when we realised we were in love with each other. And after reading it together last Valentine’s Day, we were both like ‘Jinx!’”

I blew out a breath, tapped my fingers on my belly. “I wish I had that kind of story.” Letting my head fall back, I frowned at the ceiling. “Maybe Naomi and I don’t have a story.”

Panda’s voice was tender. “I look at you and Naomi every single day and everyday there’s a story, Emsy.”

“What if ours won’t fit?”

“They will,” she said, smiling gently. “They always will.”

Silence spun between us.

I stared out the window, tears brimming in my eyes. “I don’t really believe there is someone else, Panda.”

Panda slung an arm over my shoulders, resting her head against mine. “There won’t be, Emsy,” she quietly said, “if you’ve already found the one.”

“I think I’m in love with Sarah,” JJ declared, munching on kimchi.

I shot him an arch look. “JJ, you’ve only been un-engaged for five days and you’re already after another girl’s tits?”

“Maybe Sarah will help me move on,” he mused.

I leant against the rooftop parapet wall and took a swig from the vodka bottle. “I don’t know, Jay. I’m still on Team Lara.”

JJ looked at me soberly. “You do not understand, Emily. Lara didn’t believe in our love.”

“But she wants you back, yea?” I said. “She said she made a mistake. Made a rash decision.”

He didn’t seem to be listening. He was just watching Sarah as she laughed with Freddie. My gaze wandered to Effy.

No reaction. The brunette was just sitting cross-legged on the couch, casually puffing smoke rings into the cool mid-May air.

It never changed.

“I think Freddie has a thing for Sarah,” JJ said. “Everyone has a thing for Sarah. She’s so cute, isn’t she? Plus, we connect on a mental level. She’s the only one who can discuss the Avogadro’s with me.”

“Is that what you put on guacamole?”

“Avogadro’s constant, Emily,” JJ said. “Used in physics and chemistry. Equivalent to 6.022141—”

“I know, JJ. I was just joking. Jesus,” I said, snorting. “But I have to disagree, Jay. Maybe on the freaky IQ level, yes. But you’re a bat case. She’s—”

“I don’t know, Emily,” JJ said, lowering his eyes and picking at the sole cabbage kimchi left on his plate. “Maybe Sarah’s my ‘someone else’.”

“Did I just hear my name?” Sarah interjected from above us.

JJ gulped. “We were just – w-were just talking about—”

“How much we love your kimchi,” I filled in, quickly forking another bit of cabbage kimchi on my plate and ate it. We both grinned up at her.

“Why, thank you—“ Sarah paused when the rooftop door opened. “Oh, there’s Naomi . . . and Evan.” Peripherally I saw Sarah and JJ exchange a worried look.

Naomi. God. Just the thought of her apart from me made me feel . . .

Things I don’t want to feel right now, I thought. Some things were just impossible, like seeing Gone with the Wind too many times, England not qualifying in the World Cup, or losing Naomi forever. And I definitely do not want to look pathetic right now just staring at her like an obsessed lover. Which calls for a change of subject.

I tore my eyes away from Naomi, who was laughing more than necessary at something Evan was saying. “What’s this?” I asked, picking up a weird-looking apparatus sticking out of Sarah’s purse that was lying on the floor.

“My inhaler,” Sarah said. “I have asthma. Sometimes my passageways become unbearably clogged and swollen with phlegm—”

“Never say that word!” Roderik, a tall, white-skinned guy, cried.

“What word?” Sarah asked. “Asthma?”

“The F word!” Roderik said. OK, Emily. Stay away from Roderik, I warned myself. He’s another bat case.

“Who said the F word?” Cook asked eagerly, appearing from the rooftop door. “I focking love that word!”

“Not that F word, Cook,” Roderik said. “I meant ‘flem.’”

“The word phlegm begins with a p, Roderik,” Sarah stated. “And I’m not sure why I’d bothered correcting you. I just sounded like a freak.”

“Welcome to the club, Sarah!” JJ said, grinning. Sarah walked over to Freddie again and they carried on with their little chat that was bordering on flirtation. Hmm.

JJ then turned to me. “See? She’s awesome!” His face was bright. “I thought Zoe was the one but it seems like she has her eyes set on someone else already.” He nudged me with his knee, indicating someone with a lift of his chin.

I turned my head in the direction of his chin and spotted Zoe watching me, smiling with her eyes. She raised her beer in silent toast to me. I held up my vodka bottle and smiled back in spite of my pulse speeding up.

Then I turned away and my gaze fell upon Naomi. She was over at the other side of the rooftop deck, engrossed in a light conversation with Natalia and Evan.

Then feeling Zoe’s eyes on me again, I sneaked a look at her and found her watching me. Still.  My face grew warm, and I looked away.

I turned back to JJ. “Fuck,” I muttered, then took another swig.

Effy. Freddie. Sarah. Triangle. Evan. Naomi. Emily. Triangle. And now possibly Naomi. Emily. Zoe. Triangle. A geometrical figure having three angles and three sides. Any three-sided or three-cornered object. A situation involving three persons.

Fuck. Can things be more complicated?

“Hey, Sang-min,” Cook called. “Would it be news to ye that ye’re a 9.12 in Cook’s Search for Shaggable Babes? So that means ye’re extremely shaggable.”

Sarah gave him a sarcastic smile. “Would it be news that whether James Cook finds me shaggable or unshaggable is not exactly paramount in my peaceful little life right now?”

Cook snickered. “C’mon, babe. As Cook, the head judge, I say that ye’re a perfect 10 now that I’ve seen yer nudie photos on the Internet. Ye with yer lollipop . . . Holy Jaysus fock! And I gotta admit ya have a topnotch set of—”

Sarah pushed her glasses up her nose. “Cook? I’m sorry for interrupting what I’m sure was going to be a fascinating discourse on my anatomy but I have to point out that I wasn’t nude in those shots on the Internet. That’s just your pervy little imagination at work. And I do emphasise the word little. As in microscopic. Which matches the size of your sensitivity, your brain, and most probably your anatomical endowment that you would like to call ‘Cookie Monster.’”

Everyone cracked up. Cook, for the first time, wasn’t able to construct a comeback. He was only staring at Sarah in bewilderment and awe, but managed to smile through it.

Freddie was shaking with chuckles. “Cook, mon copain, you gotta admit it’s true.” Then he draped an arm around Sarah’s shoulders. “Really, though, welcome to the club, Pom-pom Chick.”

I leant heavily against the railing of the rooftop deck, drinking my third can of beer after downing almost half of a vodka bottle. The growing chill in the wind that tiptoed around the rooftop matched the coldness of my insides, especially my heart. I was barely listening to Evan play his guitar and harmonica to Old Crow Medicine Show music. I was barely listening to the cheers and laughter. And the party was over, but I stayed gazing out into the silhouette of faraway hills, sleepy trees, and my celestial friends.

“Let’s just clean up in here a little,” I heard Naomi say, as she started to gather up empty junk-food packages and beer cans. Most of the people already left. If my senses were accurate, the only people who were still on the rooftop with me were Freddie, Panda, Thomas, and Naomi.

I merely went on staring at the night sky. I was so insensate with confusion, hurt, and bitterness, plus the fact that I was drunk. A little provocation and I was afraid I might burst and shatter into tiny, little pieces. So I stayed silent.

“Emily, it’s cold up here. Where was that cardigan you wore earlier?” Naomi’s old caring voice broke into my reverie.

I didn’t answer right away. “Wow. You noticed,” I finally ventured, after a moment.

“Noticed what?”

“You actually looked at me today," I said. "Noticed what I was wearing.”

Naomi wrapped her arms around herself. “What are you on about? You were wearing that cardigan in class. What’s your point?”

“What’s my point?” I let out a wry laugh. I wanted to lash out at her for ignoring me for the last few days, and at the same time fling into her arms, begging to be held.

I despised that weakness in myself but was mature and honest enough to admit that it was there. Betraying my heated emotions, with the little help of the alcohol in my system, I let the last fine threads of my composure snap.    

“What’s my point?” I repeated with more scornfulness. I turned back toward her. “You’re a fucking brick wall, too!” I snapped.

“Rouge, c’mon. Let’s get you to your room,” Freddie hastily implored, tugging my arm. “Time to rest.”

“I don’t need rest,” I shouted, slapping Freddie’s hand away. “What I need is to fucking figure some shit out with my girlfriend!”

I turned to Naomi again. “Your Dad hurt you. David hurt you. Your best friend hurt you. But I would never do that to you. I would never walk out on you or cheat on you. You know that,” I burst out, the words popping past my lips without my brain’s consent. "Okay, fine. I messed up before! I fucked up so bad. But how many times do I have to apologise for that? How many fucking times do you have to rub it in my face? Because you know for a fact that I love you and it's only been you, Naomi. It's only been you!"

“Emily, c’mon. It’s okay,” Freddie said, grabbing my wrist. “You’re drunk. You don’t know what you’re saying.”

I saw the colour drain from Naomi’s cheeks, but I wasn’t done. I yanked my arm from Freddie’s grip.

“You’re like Effy!” I cried to her. “You know nothing about love. You’re fucking scared of love,” I went on. “Well, guess what? I’m scared, too. Freddie is scared, too. Everyone is fucking scared! Not just you!” I shouted at her. “So don’t be such selfish tits and be fucking fair!”

A huge tension-laden silence settled on the rooftop deck.

My eyes flew to the rooftop door and I saw Effy standing there, looking as if I’d struck her. I felt every muscle in my body tense up. She had heard every word I said.

“Effy,” I croaked. She disappeared down the ladder right away.

“Effy!” I called, taking a few steps after her. Then I stopped. “Shit.” I looked back at Freddie and the rest of them. They were all staring at me, except for Naomi whose gaze was dropped toward the floor.

My knees trembled, and my entire body felt numb. More than anything, I wanted to run and hide—to make the entire, horrible scene disappear. But I made myself stop. I couldn’t let Naomi win. Somehow I had to get in one good blow, then I could get away and cry in peace.

A fierce anger bubbled up from within. I wasn’t sure where the rage stemmed from—whether I was simply enraged that she was giving me the cold shoulder or that she couldn’t completely trust me with her feelings. Either way, it gave me a pool of strength to dip into.

I came toward the blonde, standing so completely in her airspace, she had no choice but to look at me. “You want to push me away? You really want to push me away?” I peered into Naomi’s now tear-filled eyes, my tone quieter but just as sour. “Well, congratulations, Naomi. You’ve done a brilliant job on that.”

I lamely kicked a small chair that was blocking my path toward the rooftop door. Before starting down the ladder, I sneaked a look at Naomi. I saw her dropping shakily onto the couch, looking like she’d had the wind knocked out of her.

“Emily—” Freddie grabbed my arm as I lost my footing trying to climb down the ladder. Leaning against him after landing on the steps, he tried not to stumble as we awkwardly made our way down the hallway into my room.

Freddie gently closed the door behind us, and turned on the lights. Then together we shuffled across the room and sank to the floor against the wall. A depressing silence dwelled in the room for a moment.

Unfortunately, instead of it making me feel better, the whole explosion thing left me drained and shaky. I buried my face in my hands. “Argh! I hate her. I hate her. I hate her!” I shouted, letting a stray tear snake down my cheek. “No. I love her. I love her. I love her. Fuck!”

“We’re both fucked,” Freddie murmured with a sad smile.

I caught sight of a photo tucked into the edge of my mirror showing the gang fooling around on Shiga Beach. My arms were wrapped around Naomi, and we looked so happy.

I let out a long, disheartened breath. “When will she wake up, Frédéric?”

Freddie looked over at the photo, too – but at a certain brunette. “Yea,” he said. “When will she wake up?”

“Where are you?” I asked, gripping on the phone tighter. After the rooftop incident last night, I vowed to never get that pissed as fuck again as my emotions apparently get uncontrolled. I could not remember some bits but I was sure I had exploded in front of my girlfriend. Guilt churned in me. I never wanted to hurt her by lashing out at her but I was just glad to finally get it all out of my chest and express to her the frustration I’ve been dealing with for a long time. I knew Naomi knew I was telling the truth. Her reaction revealed that my words did cut right through her. And all day today I have been looking for her to apologise or at least to know she’s all right but she was nowhere to be found. I was just glad she finally plucked up the courage to answer my 14^th phone call.

“Someplace where I can be alone,” Naomi answered quietly. “To think.”

“About what?”

“I just need some time alone. Please, Emily.”

“Well, that’s great,” I scoffed. “’Cos I’m doing some thinking, too.”

I shut my phone closed with such force, but deep inside I was dying. Fuck’s sake. Is she thinking of breaking up with me?

Blinking back tears, I tapped on my laptop touchpad, and Katie appeared before my eyes.

“I was gonna say I’m going to fuck her up. But, really, who’s the bitch?” Katie’s tone was sober.

“Both,” I answered straight.

She arched a brow. “Who’s the bigger bitch?”

“Neither.”

“Okay. Well, then, fuck you two,” she spat.

I propped my elbows on the swivel chair arms, steepled my fingers and looked at her over the top of them. “I’m so fucked, Kates. So fucking fucked. Screwed as fuck,” I said. “Naomi hates me. Effy hates me. Hell, even the neighbours and Yoshida-san hate me for waking them all up in the middle of the night.” I sighed. “Everyone hates me.”

“Well, can you blame them?” Katie quipped.

“I’m serious, Katie,” I said. “Everything’s so mortally fucked up right now.”

Katie’s face turned serious. “What’s going on?”

I leant back in the chair. “I feel like Naomi’s building that wall again,” I said wearily. “She's going around with her bloody games because she’s a fucking coward. She never changed, Katie. It never changed.”

I drew a deep breath then released it, as Katie merely listened to me. “I think she’s doing this to push me away . . .” I went on. “She’s doing things to make me hate her. ’Cos she can’t run away. She promised she’s not gonna run away again so she’s pushing me away.”

She studied me for a moment. “Maybe I should talk to her,” she suggested. “Talk some sense into her.”

“Right,” I scoffed. “That’d really work – sending in my sister to fight my battles. Why don’t we just call Mum?”

With Katie only watching me, I expelled an audible breath. “I think she’s breaking up with me.” 

"That, I don't think so."

“Argh. I hate her. I hate her. I hate her!” I rubbed my eyes. “No. Fuck. I love her. I love her. I—”

“Just try to stay calm,” Katie said, looking at my jittering hands, and I forced them to stay still. “Just calm the fuck down. God, Emily. You and these little dramas.”

I stared wearily at her. "If she wants to let go. Fine. I'm letting her go," I said, without meaning it. "I don't know if I can stand more of her fucking around with my brain anyway." Again, not meaning it. 

“Listen, Emily,” Katie began. “I’ve seen how Naomi fought for you. I’ve seen how she held on. Maybe this is just one of those moments when you need to be there for her. Assure her that you’ll always be there. Give her reasons to trust you wholly.” Her voice was unexpectedly gentle, and seemed to brush away my infuriation.

“I feel your pain, Emily,” Katie said tenderly after a few seconds. “But Emz—you think too much. Love’s not about thinking. It’s about feeling, yea?” She shone me a gentle smile. “So whatever you do, do it. Don’t just think about it. Don’t just talk about it.”

“You mean I should just let myself hang around like a pathetic dummy and take her shit? Are you saying  that she could get away with all those bollocks and expect me to stick around?”

“Yes. Because that’s love, Emily,” Katie said sensibly. “You make mistakes, the other forgives. The other one makes mistakes, you forgive. So just hang on there, Emzy.”

"For how long?"

"As long as it takes," Katie answered.

My mouth twisted down at one corner. “I don’t know, Kates. I don't know if I can hang on that long. It’s just frustrating, you know. I mean, I thought we were way past the doubts, the running in circles. Done with the games. Just thinking about her and what's going on between us . . . it's just maddening.”

I managed a weak smile. “Thanks, Kates.” I couldn’t help wishing that I could look forward to going home and crying on my sister’s shoulder.

“I love you, Emzy,” Katie said. “And I hope you twats sort this shit out once and for all. Your love’s bigger than this.”

Your love’s bigger than this. I smiled at Katie’s last words. I was just logging out of Skype when I heard a knock on my door.

“Hey, mental midget,” Sarah sang out, sticking her head into my room.

“Hey, mental pom-pom chick,” I called back. “What do you want?”

She raised her brows. “The calligraphy books?”

“Oh, right,” I said, slapping my palm against my forehead. I forgot that Sarah wanted to borrow Naomi’s old calligraphy books for her special calligraphy lessons. “Oh, no. Naomi’s not here.”

“Where’d she go?” she asked taking a step inside.

“Somewhere.” I shrugged. “I dunno.”

She padded further into the room, sipping on her cup of hot green tea. “Well, she better get back soon. I heard there’s 95% chance of heavy rain later.”

“Right,” I said, pushing myself out of the swivel chair. “Anyway, she always leaves her room open so just wait here and I’ll get those books for you.” I made my way to the door.

“Thanks,” she said, taking a seat in my chair. Then after a second, I heard her call me. “Emily?”

With my hand already on the doorknob, I whipped my head around. “Yea?”

“Whatever’s going on between you and Naomi, I hope you work it out,” Sarah said with sincerity. “I kinda miss my favourite joined-at-the-hip freaky couple.” She smiled.

I returned her smile. I certainly didn’t disagree with her. I miss her, too, I replied silently. You have no idea how much.

Still smiling at Sarah’s thoughtfulness, I strode out of my room down the hall and into Naomi’s room. I dropped down behind Naomi’s desk and opened the bottom drawer. I reached into the stack of Naomi’s old calligraphy creations and smiled upon seeing the gold stars. On each paper. Naomi and her magical fingers. Then I took out her calligraphy kit and found the books lying on the very bottom. I took them out and found three pieces of pink Post-its sticking on the cover. They had notes written in Naomi’s handwriting.

I stripped one off and read from it.

“Tones. And each time I did, I saw a perfect creature smiling coyly at me…” I read silently, and felt my heart sinking with every word. “And I’d turn back, a little breathless and—” I stopped, because I couldn’t breathe anymore, couldn’t stomach the thought anymore. Maybe that was why Naomi had been acting strange and wanting some space lately. She already had eyes for someone else. Someone else, I repeated the word. There is someone else.

With shaky hands I tried to put the three Post-its together. Swallowing the massive lump in my throat, I dared start to read . . .

A smile curled my lip. Maybe there was no someone else, after all.

Then my smile stretched further. So Naomi knew she had been Fitched during our second calligraphy class. I remember that day so vividly . . .

I grabbed two calligraphy brushes and played with them as if they were chopsticks as Kieran droned on.

“Calligraphy, when done properly, becomes a conversation with the true self. When writing with the brush the mind becomes calm and pure, the intuitive force is . . .”

“Emily, that’s really sad,” Halo said, watching me as I made a fool of myself. “Even with handling chopsticks you are pathetic.”

I let out a giggle. “I’m not sure about you, Halo, but I’m preparing myself for the great possibility of getting an F in this class.”

Naomi, who was sitting next to JJ at the table in front of us, looked over her shoulder at me. She smiled at me—a private smile. A slow, sexy, intimate smile. Somehow I had managed to give her a coy smile before she turned her back again.

I sighed to myself. Naomi Campbell had been the focus of every one of my daydreams for the past few days, but I had never imagined her looking straight into my eyes like this. I felt like I was melting in my chair.

I was sent back to earth by Halo’s loud voice. “If you can’t do it properly then, for the love of God, just have some bloody fun with it,” Halo mimicked Kieran’s cheery words. “Fine,” she said. “I’m going to have some bloody fun with it. Watch me.” Smirking wickedly, she started doodling God-knows-what on a piece of paper. I don’t know. I wasn’t paying attention to her. Someone else was keeping me busy.

I leant back against my chair, and watched the ‘girl of my fantasies’ sitting a few feet away from me with a brush in her hand. Naomi looked so beautiful today. Even in a simple pair of denim shorts, a loose white top, and a pair of white flats. So pretty and so natural. And I wanted her so badly.

“. . . Calligraphy is fun, eh!” Kieran said to the class.

“So is Lego,” Halo muttered, rolling her eyes.

Suddenly there was a piece of calligraphy paper on my desk. As soon as I saw what was on it, I burst into laughter.

On the paper was Sugiyama Sensei’s face drawn using calligraphy ink and above him was the note: Japan’s No.1 Terrorist on the Loose. Reward: ¥10,000,000,000.99 and half of his moustache. 

I turned to Halo and mouthed, “You’re so bad.” Halo only snickered into her hands. I can’t help but laugh again.

Feeling Naomi’s eyes on me, I turned and spotted the blonde actually looking at me. But instead of getting all flustered, I gazed right at her and shone her the sweetest smile I can give—a private smile, especially for Naomi Campbell.

I sensed a flash of embarrassment cross Naomi’s face, but she managed a stiff smile back.

She didn’t look my way again after that. I assumed the blonde must’ve thought I was annoyingly loud but chose not to be a sarcastic bitch that day. But it’s all making sense now. Why did she and JJ move back to the table next to us? Perhaps for the blonde to be able to sneak sidelong glances at me because she knew she will be caught perving if she stayed sitting at the front table. I smirked at my little theory.

Had I known . . .

And recalling the memory now, looking at Naomi’s old calligraphy set, the old feelings came flooding back. How I had felt so excited and motivated to attend every calligraphy class, in spite of my mediocrity, just because Naomi Campbell was there. Just so I could watch her magical fingers, just so I could see her brilliant work. How her movements and gazes made the room and my body temperature hot, then hotter still. But the passion had come from admiration and deep feelings, not just from lust or hormones or loneliness. Because I was really head over heels in love with her, really truly in love.

And if she was really letting go, I was determined to hold on.

I took my phone out of my pocket. “Where are you? I need to see you.”

“Oh, Christ,” Naomi grumbled, as we stopped in front of a huge wooden gate. “The main gate closes at 5pm. It slipped my mind.”

“There must be another way out,” I said, looking around the gloomy temple park. I tried looking for guards or other human beings around us but to no avail. The sky had opened up. Rain pelted down sharp and cold, like liquid shards of glass.

I heard Naomi mutter a curse under her breath. “We have to find the South Exit,” she said. “C’mon.” She turned around and started pacing toward a small muddy trail.

“Did you bring an umbrella?” she asked, as we traced our way to a path hopefully leading to the other gate.

“Do you see an umbrella in my hand?”

“This is not the perfect time for your sarcasm, Emily,” Naomi shot back, stepping up the pace until we came to a fork in the path. The bamboos and thick pine groves towering over us covered the very little sunlight. The rain became heavier accompanied by a fresh clap of thunder. I felt a trill of fear as I shivered in my wet, soggy sweater.

“If you hadn’t been so dramatic,” I said, puffing an irritated breath. “Why did you even choose this place to contemplate? Were you that anguished?”

“I had to find a place where I can be alone because I was that anguished,” Naomi said. “Then you came . . . and then I was more anguished.”

“This is not funny, Naomi. You know I would look for you,” I said, as we stepped off a muddy path and waded into the brush and trees. “I’m just surprised I haven’t run into you all day if we’re dorm mates, floormates, classmates, seatmates, used-to-be roommates, spat mates—”

“It’s called avoidance, Emily. I’m very good at it.” She hurried up the trail. I jogged a little to keep up with her.

“Avoiding me, you mean,” I said, between heavy breaths.

“Brilliant deductive powers.”

For a few minutes, Naomi and I were going around in circles. At least I thought we were. “Didn’t we already pass that bamboo tree? The one that looks like a gargantuan skeleton?” I asked.

Naomi frowned. “Ems, this isn’t one of Panda’s horror movies.”

“No, it isn’t,” I agreed. “It’s a real live horror story, Naomes. Me and you lost on a marsh in the middle of a fucking temple forest, in a fucking storm.” I didn’t add the part where there was so much unspoken tension between the two heroines that you could cut it with a camping knife. Except we didn’t have a camping knife. Or a compass. Or a temple map. Or anything else that two people out in the woods might need.

“Do you have the number of the temple information centre?” I asked.

Naomi gave me a sarcastic look. “Oh, yea, because I really needed the number to reserve tickets or hire a tourist guide for this acre of dump. Of course, Ems, I don’t have their fucking number.”

“Fuck’s sakes,” I said. “This place is shit. The weather’s shit. The company’s even worse.”

“I told you not to come here, Emily. Told you to just wait back at the dorm ‘til I’ve calmed down,” the blonde said.

Frustration ripped through me like another lightning bolt. “You’re saying you would rather be going around in circles by yourself?”

Naomi was silent for a moment. “It’s not a question of that,” she said.

“Then it’s a question of . . .” My unfinished sentence hung on the rain and fog.

We slogged forward half blindly along the soft, wet trail. “It’s a question of maybe you’d rather be lost with someone else,” Naomi finally said.

I stopped walking. It didn’t seem to matter whether we went backward or forward anyway. “Someone else. Naomi, doesn’t what’s between us mean anything?” I said softly. I didn’t know whether to be hurt or angry or just absolutely, totally baffled.

“Look, Emily, I saw how it made you feel when Zoe gives you all this attention, when she babies you and all.”

Zoe. Was this all about Zoe? Still about Zoe? I blew out a long breath. “Argh. I wish I didn’t come here and just stayed playing Jenga with everyone else in the lounge.”

“Especially a certain Olympic swimmer everyone else.”

My anger was spreading like a puddle in the storm. “I could tell you that wasn’t true, but what’s the point when I’m talking to a fucking wall?”

“Emily, can you honestly say that you wouldn’t rather be back at dorm, inside our nice warm lounge playing Jenga, with Zoe laughing at your jokes and showing you her dimples?”

“Well, when you put it that way . . .”

Naomi rolled her eyes. “I knew it.”

I lost my last drop of patience. “Okay, fine. Zoe acts like she likes me. That’s all.”

“And you like her.”

“Yes, I like her. I like Zoe. She’s my friend.”

“Ah, the friend. Where have I stumbled across that before? The friend,” she said scornfully.

My jaw clenched.

“But you’re the girlfriend. You’re my girlfriend,” I said. “And how dare you turn the tables. It’s not like I’m the one getting all giggly with ‘Boyle.’”

Neither of us said another word for a long, long time. We followed a muddy path to nowhere.

I paused and looked at her. “You know what I think?” I asked, my voice a little softer. Naomi said nothing, but I answered anyway. “I really think you’re scared. You’re still scared, Naomi.”

“Of what?” Naomi threw back defensively.

“Maybe that’s why we kept going around in circles with each other and never getting anywhere. Literally, and figuratively. Maybe we’re terrified – I don’t know, tell me if this makes any sense at all – we just love playing games. When you’re not playing, I am. When I'm not playing, you are. And I’m sick of it, Naomi. I’m sick and tired of it.”

Both our phones vibrated at the same time.

Sender: Batshit Freaky JJ

Engagement back on. You’re still a bridesmaid.

We looked at each other hesitantly. “Did you also get—?” I began.

“JJ’s good news?” she filled in. “Yes. It’s really nice.”

“Yes, it’s nice,” I said, smiling at the text message. “He forgave her.”

“He’s JJ,” Naomi said, now smiling faintly. “He’s one of those very few people who use their hearts properly.”

The two of us sighed wearily in unison. It was too wet and cold to play one of our games of verbal Ping-Pong. “Are we always going to be like this, Naomi?” I asked.

Naomi tried for a speck of humour. “Isn’t it fun?”

“It’s fun until I had to take aspirins for the headaches these games are causing me.”

Then after a few heartbeats, Naomi looked into my eyes. “Okay,” she said quietly. “Okay, Emily, I know what you mean.”

“And?”

Naomi bit her lip. “And perhaps you’re right,” she said, gently taking my arms and slowly pulling me to her. “No more games. No more running in circles.” 

We were quiet for a moment. But it was a different kind of silence than it had been for most of the day. We shared this wordlessness comfortably. It wasn’t a wall between us. I was acutely aware of everything around me—the wind whistling through the trees, the rain falling on our faces, the roll of thunder reverberating across the park. 

Naomi was so close. I could feel the sweet warmth of her skin, and smell the unique scent of her shampoo mixing with the freshness of the rain. Her skin was smooth and soft-looking; her blue eyes were clear and shining. Her lips were full—and so near. I held my breath. We were so close that I could feel myself shaking.

“Emily,” Naomi whispered, and I could feel her breath as she spoke.

“Yea?” Shaking, trembling—I couldn’t help it.

“Babe, you’re shivering,” Naomi said softly. “Look, why don’t you . . .” Her words trailed off as she unzipped her jacket and held it open in invitation. “Maybe there’s enough room for both of us,” she said.

I felt a rush of euphoria. This moment wasn’t going to get away. I slid closer and let Naomi wrap the jacket around both of us. It felt absolutely natural for Naomi to slip her arms around my waist as I enveloped them in warmth.

I let myself enjoy the feel of our bodies pressed together, her cheek against my cheek, our arms entwined.

“I missed you,” I whispered, tightening my embrace. 

“I missed you, too, Ranga,” she said. I can hear bliss in her voice.

Moments later, I pulled back just enough to look at her face again, to look into her eyes. “That phone call we had almost gave me a heart attack,” I said. “I thought you were breaking up with me.”

“No kidding,” said Naomi disbelievingly. “I thought you were breaking up with me. I couldn’t—”

“Breathe after that,” we said at the same time.

“Jinx,” we said in chorus again. Then we chuckled together.

Naomi’s tone turned serious. “I’m sorry for doubting you, for using 'Boyle' to get back at you, for pushing you away,” she said. “I guess it’s the infamous Naomi Campbell defense mechanism kicking in.”

I took my turn. “I’m sorry . . . for everything,” I said, with real sorrow. “For letting you doubt me, for hurting you multiple times before, for shouting at you last night, for making you feel—”

“Shh.” Naomi nodded and gently held her palm to my cheek. Warm bare skin on warm bare skin, erasing the cold, erasing the dampness. No more talking. No more thinking, even. Katie was right. Whatever you do, do it. Don’t just think about it. Don’t just talk about it.

And then all thoughts of Katie disappeared into the twilight. All thoughts of anything. And there was only this feeling, this yearning, and nothing was going to get in the way this time.

Naomi and I drew together.

“It’s inevitable, Emily,” Naomi said softly.

“Like pink elephants?” I asked breathlessly.

She smiled sweetly. “Like pink elephants, yes.”

Lightning split the sky, and when thunder echoed through the early night, our lips met. Mouths gentle, soft, a shared breath. A sweet, delicate kiss, and then a more passionate one. More hunger. Mouth against mouth with more pressure, more urgency. Hot, moist, drinking each other in, exploring, tasting . . .

We pressed together. My hands were stroking her wet, silky hair.  She warmed my cold, shivering body by running her hands up and down my back. The kisses went even deeper.

I pulled back, opened my eyes and looked at Naomi again. She was so beautiful.

“Mental ‘wow’ moment?” I said with a teasing smile, my voice breathless, intense.

Smirking, Naomi took my wet face between her hands. “Nice open, friendly, stunning smile.” She planted a kiss on my forehead. On each of my closed eyes. On the tip of my nose. She brushed my lips with her lips.

And then she was kissing me again. And I was kissing her back. And time seemed to lose all grasp, and it was only our mouths and our bodies, our hands, our hearts . . .

And in that fluid moment, I knew I was very much . . . as good as how she felt . . .

I pulled back ever so slightly and wrapped my arms around her even more tightly. Her eyes flew open and her gaze met mine.

“Fucked?” I asked, a smirk curling one corner of my mouth. 

“No,” Naomi said, biting her lip and flashing her private smile at me. “Fitched.”